A GREAT WAY TO SPEND YOUR DAY

Hang out in a neighborhood coffee place where everybody knows each other. Even better if one of your friends works there and is in control of the stereo, and playing Guided By Voices and that most quintessential coffee shop English major jam, the Magnetic Fields. Get a few slices across the street and sit on a bench to eat them. Meet people, make friends. Use the internet.

CLIMB MOUNT FUJI, OH SNAIL, BUT SLOWLY, SLOWLY

Here's a fun game:
1.) click on this link:
2.) check out that shit on page 28
3.) yeah, that's me in the Beloit Poetry Journal's spring 2005 issue!
4.) buy the Beloit Poetry Journal
5.) photocopy page 28. Use it as ersatz wallpaper, stationery, or blotting paper, as your needs dictate
6.) allow me to wink at you, please.

REFLECTIVE TAPE ON OUR SWEATPANTS, BIG HOLES IN OUR SHOES

I know that rule number one is to never talk about the weather unless you want to be the kind of boring sort that people quietly feel sorry for. I know. But I think we should make an exception for people who live in unforgiving climates, especially on days like today. But hey, it's probably going to be raining by the time I leave the library, so it ebbs and flows, oh, it ebbs and flows.

It gets really hard to be inside, and I kind of remember this feeling from every other year, but it always feels so impossible. I especially like it when they leave the heat on in the buildings so there's a warm rush of air whenever somebody opens a door. Of course it gets colder tomorrow. Of course it will snow a little on Friday. Come on. See if I care.

THE FINAL WORD ON CONNOR OBERST: "HE'S JUST NOT THAT HARD"

I am quoting my roommate Rachel on the subject of a certain songwriter who is considered to be the next Dylan or something. I'm bemused, but I also don't care that much. Rachel says that when we're older, Bright Eyes will be the kind of music our kids make fun of us for listening to. Kind of like Bachman Turner Overdrive, or more likely, Hall and Oates. I'm just telling you this so you know, because I think the assessment is brilliant. I, for one, want my children to fear and respect my taste in music, high heels, perfume, plaids, and biographers, so I'm acting accordingly. Some day I'll be wearing a linen dress and gold leather platforms at Thanksgiving with my family, and one of the little ones will ask me about my tattoos. I'm going to be that kind of grandma. Evita-style. You'll never be able to say grandma wasn't hard.

IS THIS THE MCSWEENEY'S BATTING CAGE? BRING ON THE ROOKIE & BEAT ON THE BRAT (SOME LISTS)

SOME DESERT ISLAND ALTERNATIVES

Denny's parking lot
Customs traffic at the Canadian border
Oral surgery waiting room


MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE SONGS ON CRISTINA'S "SLEEP IT OFF" ALBUM
1.) "Ticket to the Tropics"
2.) "What's a Girl to Do"
3.) "When U Were Mine"
4.) "Don't Mutilate My Mink"
5.) "Things Fall Apart"


SOME VAGUELY CONDESCENDING NICKNAMES
Sport
Buddy
Buster
Champ
Big Guy
Jesus
Mr. Cool
Mr. Hip
Fancypants
Buster Brown
The Edge