i've just re-read most of "me talk pretty one day" because scott and ethan are still passed out (which, as opposed to "sleeping," has a definite normative tang if you know what i mean.) i'm looking forward to getting home, though, because there ought to be a package of awesome zines for me and because i haven't gotten to visit with my dad for a while. almost all of my stuff is still strewn about, though, and that makes me feel kind of bad.

now it's time to get down to the actual self-improvement of summer, or at least the way summer usually is for me. when i was still in high school, the idea was to be as entirely different at the beginning of the year as i could be. i would always renew my commitments to crazy dressing and generally obnoxious, pretentious, defensive behavior that was my mark, and come back to school with some wicked little idea of superiority. that or i would spend the summer trying to tie up all of the loose ends: flossing twice a day, eating only good foods, lifting weights every day, spending time outside, being better-read . . . . i guess it isn't so different this summer; some of my goals include shedding scales and triads so i can kick any other improv solo's ass, reading all of the things that i ought to, lifting weights again, and starting some kind of amazing writing project that isn't a zine and doesn't suck.

now that i've had my summer road trip so early (and i hardly got to buy my truckstop sunglasses; i'm sure i won't find them when we go to boston later this summer) i guess it's time to get down to business.

ok, so for those of you who have been waiting for the final word these last two days, i did find my favorite t-shirt before i left. (i was crawling around on the floor looking for it saying, "come on, if i find you i'll even change out of my black bra so there won't be any visible bra straps." and there it was.)

we were about two plus hours late getting to ram's, because we had bad directions to his place and because we were generally confused. in fact, we got to the show a little late, missing probably the first thirty minutes of sleater-kinney. the show wasn't one of those live shows when the fans are so fanatical that they start screaming whenever the band starts playing a song that they know. this was because 1) the fans were mostly b&s fans, not s-k fans, even though they seemed to appreciate the quality of s-k's performance, which i thought was pretty rockin' and 2) because, like it or not, so many of belle & sebastian's songs sound alike. so whatever. i still thought it was cool.

here is a brief list of the coolest things that happened. first of all, stuart is so fucking cute. i mean, really. i feel kind of bad that the audience giggled at anything he said even if they couldn't understand it. he made people sit down when they were in the aisles, allowing him to occupy the part in my heart that is usually reserved for tobey maguire and paul mccartney. oh yeh. also, at one point some freaky girl had this loud, choppy scream and stuart said, "nice to see you made it, yoko." AWESOME.

there's a lot more to be said, but there is talk to be had, and twisted tea to drink. later, folks.

by the way, dave, may i presume that you got my mix cd? also, may i presume that you're actually just fucking with me? i thought so.

i'm racing through dave's return mix cd, and as predicted, it includes plenty of music that i don't think is exactly his cup of tea. but i guess there are different kinds of mixes to make for people- the kind that they would like, and the kind that's supposed to say something about you. i'm clearly doing the second one, i think.

yeah, so i'm going to see some rock bands today. (if you choose to call belle & sebastian a rock band, that is.) i can't find my favorite t-shirt, and i think maybe my mom confiscated it for the rag pile again. it's one of her old shirts from the ivy street days- the one for the '82 block party that has paint all over it. she doesn't like it when i wear shirts like that because she says they make me look "scrappy." i guess i can understand why, but come on, i'm an 18-year-old girl. i dance so hard that it makes my neck hurt the next day. of course i'm scrappy.

i have so much to do before i leave, but this mix is sucking my life. nobody should be surprised if it has a lot of 10-minute long songs at the end. this is concrete proof that life is harder if you like three-minute pop songs instead of blustery 10-minute ones. oh well.

b&s + s-k = <3

i've had three cups of tea today to try to shake the chill. it feels like winter here, and i think it's kind of nice. it makes it hard to do anything, though.

i spent a good deal of my free time today mulling over dave's two mix cds and all of the sundry bits of paper accompanying them. already working on the mix that i'm going to try to send out in the mail tomorrow. which will not be nearly so mid-'90s, probably, and will most likely include a lot of upbeat songs that dave will think are bad. there might even be a song by a girl band about people who don't like girl bands. that said, it might suck. but let's hope that sentimentality will do the trick once again. (this is funny because dave is one of the three people who reads this blog.)

so, i guess it's official: unitarian universalist kids scored highest on the sat last year. (i don't know who decided it was a good idea to rank all of the religions in the sat score bracket, but whatever, suckas.) jewish kids came in second, and then i don't know who else. as far as i'm concerned, the best part of this is that they actually classified us as a religion. rock.

sweet jeebs. i'm home again. i'm already getting pretty surly. for example, today while driving to my interview for the summer literacy job, i flipped off good old west greene high school coming and going. don't even fucking ask me if i'm going to graduation. (this means i probably will go.)

packing up was pretty hard. i pulled my only all-nighter of the entire year trying to pack my shit up. various people made the evening a little more interesting- jenn, adam, greg, aaron, ben, eva, damien, and dave were all hanging out at some point. i made zines for all of them (and i'm so close to almost breaking even, oh yeh.) we listened to some loud music and i danced around like a maniac, but i was the only one. jenn caught a taxi at four and then it was just me and adam, hanging out in the underground with our banana-vanilla milkshakes, watching a hard-hitting mtv documentary about pot.

i feel entirely different at home, but i don't think i could say why. i'm not a total earth daughter, but i feel differently being in the woods, taking hikes, baking bread, and eating whole foods. more bookish, more introspective (if that's even possible), more thoughtful. it makes me want to have a house of my own instead of a small rented piece of a huge building in which every room is crammed with at least two peoples' most important belongings.

reading: the tropic of cancer, lolita, rembrandt (yeah gladys schmitt!), grendel, the fellowship of the ring, the big sleep

listening to: comes a time (neil young), long tall sally (the beatles), past masters vol. ii (the beatles), blue (joni mitchell), dave's mixtape (starting off with "cut your hair", hahaha. are you fucking with me?), one foot in the grave (beck).