SO PROUD OF MYSELF EMERALD TOFU
1 block of extra-firm tofu
raw green beans, cleaned and snapped into 1" pieces
raw broccoli florettes
soy sauce
balsamic vinegar
olive oil
a lot of fresh basil, chopped or torn finely

Cut tofu into one inch squares. Toss with pretty good amounts of the soy sauce and vinegar, a healthy drizzle of olive oil, and basil. Add broccoli and green beans, cover, and marinate for as long as you like. I left mine overnight and it was excellent. I haven't cooked it (and probably won't) because the vegetables were so tender from just sitting in the marinade over night. However, I imagine this would cook pretty well, or mix well in pasta or rice, but it's great by itself.

WHAT MADE YOU THINK HE'D BELIEVE ALL YOUR LIES, AH-OOO
It occurs to me that it would be good to eventually 1) stop alienating people who are close to me and 2) do the right thing. I can't tell if I'm being too hard/unrealistic on myself here, or if I'm just feeling the need to be a person that I like. I think a lot of it is the latter rather than the former. My previous problems with depression have stemmed from circumstances that made me feel like I was a bad friend and therefore not worth much of anything, so it feels pretty important to wrangle this feeling into shape as much as possible. At least for my own good, not to mention the good of all the people who have to deal with me all the time. In other words, today's mission = stop fucking up.

Still, though, there are those times when I feel like I'm the perfect social animal, able to converse freely and wittily with everybody in sight. It's amazing when it happens; I feel sort of dizzy and things look blurry, but my face hurts from smiling and talking. In other words, when I'm on I'm on.

In other news, the darker hair has definitely had an impact on the way people talk to me. People I already know well give me the same treatment, but acquaintances and strangers treat me like some kittenish la-la-la-lady. I can't look absently into space without somebody catching my look and raising their eyebrows. It's ridiculous. Little old performative me. Also, the other night in Eat 'n Park my friend Mike ran into somebody he knew from high school. The guy looked over at the table Mike came from and said, "Hey, what's up with the goth chicks?" (meaning Carolyn and I). What? So . . . we have dark hair and wear red lipstick = goth? Puzzlement. Mike tells me that I'm more Uma Therman in Pulp Fiction than goth, which is okay by me. Fuck goth. We're zombie flygirls.

HELLO, I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE ME
Had a nice time at the Vale and Year show, for those of you who deigned not to come. I had never been to the Shadow Lounge before but liked it pretty well. Also, it was full of people I was glad to see, so thank goodness for that. This summer has been almost ridiculously social for me, but I'm glad that I finally feel at ease someplace.

It's been so nice to have a weekend weekend. I mean, a real honest-to-goodness weekend (plus an extra day!). Dave and I took a long walk to Bloomfield on Sunday for a visit to the best record store in Pittsburgh (Jerry's notwithstanding). Actually, between those two stores I've been picking up insane amounts of new music, and I should surely be stopped. Recent acquisitions: Neil Young, After the Goldrush; Al Green, Let's Stay Together; the Beatles, Magical Mystery Tour (on vinyl! with original booklet!); David Bowie, Absolute Beginners; Fannypack, So Stylistic; the Kills, Keep on Your Mean Side; Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers, Ecaroh. Also, a gamelan field recording of music from the Shadow Play. TOO! MUCH!

Carolyn helped me dye my hair dark brown on Saturday, and we both generally painted our nails and got all pretty before Adam's party. All I have to say is BLOODY DOVES RULE THE ROOST.