EYES SO DEEP YOU NEVER SEEN THROUGH I! CAN'T FUCKING STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU!

I don't know how you spend your long winter nights, but I spend mine with a jump rope and some juvenile nyah nyah arty p-rock. Oh, and a genuine cheerleader skirt I bought in Erie, Pennsylvania. This is the literal truth. The jump rope is the best exercise, like, imaginable. It also goes along very well with that whole bubblegum artfully dumb thing that I seem to enjoy beyond all sense.

Not that this has anything to do with anything (unless you're applying to grad schools for an MFA in creative writing), but there's this wonderful blog: creative-writing-mfa-handbook.blogspot.com. All of the inane questions, answered seriously & with compassion. Now that's an idea with wheels. (By the way, if you look closely, you might recognize a question submitted by yrs truly.) Good.

Lauren and I think that the West End isn't real, like Brigadoon. I'm going to entertain this thought for a while. Oh, and then some double jumps, son.

DEAR MARVIN LEWIS,

I know how hard it is to lose your hot-shot young quaterback to a knee injury. (Flip back a little earlier in the Steelers' season and I think you'll see what I mean.) I know that Carson Palmer's injury made the game a very different one. However, your disses on Ben were completely inappropriate and juvenile. Besides, you know Kimo didn't hit Palmer on purpose; as Kimo is a former Bengal, one would think you could rest assured that this wasn't some kind of blood stunt.

But saying that you're "not going to baby and cry like some quarterbacks" is kind of ironic, because it's just that: an immature, upset comment. It shows exactly how much you're being a BIG BABY about an injury that was certainly unintended. Then again, it isn't surprising coming from you, because your team has been dissing the Steelers in silly ways all season. (Wiping your cleats on the terrible towel? OOOOOOOOOOOh, BURN! Using the terrible towel as a bib? OOOOOOOOOOH, FACE!) This tells me one thing: you may have had a hot season, and you may have grown a lot over the last year, but you still have a lot of growing to do. The Steelers are a class organization, win or lose. They don't care about that flashy shit. So yeah, WHO DEY? Dey the class franchise of the AFC North. And dey will be until you and your team grow up.

Fuck the Bengals,
Sarah