IF IFS AND BUTS WERE CANDY AND NUTS, WE'D ALL HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I got back all of my papers from last week's incredible paper writing triathlon, and I did really well in all of my classes. Hot damn. It really makes no sense, but I suppose it never has.

I wrote an extensive personal essay last weekend about my changing attitude toward grades and their effect on my self-worth (to paraphrase: grades don't matter as much to me as they once did, thank goodness). I finally said a lot of things about my relationship to schoolwork, and it felt great to get it out. But getting good remarks on these papers still sways me powerfully. I need to be wary of the elation that I get from good evaluations. I can't aford to forget that they're only surface representations of who I am.

Things are really starting to simmer in my head. I feel like my intellect has finally beefed up its muscles from a somewhat slack summer. It's great to be back. I want to figure out how to harness this feeling outside of academic education-- I don't want to lose the ability to think broadly and quickly because it's fun, and I think it's also vital. But I don't want to have report cards and GPAs hanging over my head forever. I don't know how to do this yet, but I think it's going to be very important for my continued happiness.

On a side note, Rachel and I picked up the new Q and not U album today. It's been a while since I bought an album on the day it was released, but it's kind of fun. Whatever you do, download "Wonderful People." Maybe then we'll let you join the club.

I AM THE DIRTY DANCER

So, googlism.com is my new fix for inane internet fun, at work. It's a search engine that catalogues the most frequent searches relevant to a name/word. Or something. And, in any case, you probably already know about it because I'm behind the curve. Anyway, here's the resulting list for my name:

sarah smith is the author of king of spacesarah smith is flying high after her success at the canada cup #1/ final olympic long track speed skating team selectionssarah smith is a woman of many interestssarah smith is the author of vanished childsarah smith is also cited for the tremendous repertoire of toolssarah smith is thesarah smith is the forest industry specialist with unh cooperative extension in durhamsarah smith is a partner in the international finance group in londonsarah smith is channel 4 news' scotland correspondentsarah smith is a subscriber using the domain 8msarah smith is ansarah smith is?" he demanded rawlysarah smith is a hypertext mavensarah smith is doing a reading course in the history of mathematicssarah smith is to hold said land and controls the same till said boys is 21 years oldsarah smith is the youngest child of mary buchanan smith and thomas smithsarah smith is the scotland correspondent reporting on all major news stories from north of the border and particularlysarah smith is in washingtonsarah smith is an up and coming singing superstar that is no stranger to the lights and sounds of showstoppersarah smith is a american national living in the united statessarah smith is the third of three sisters to play setter for the whippetssarah smith is goingsarah smith is daughter of joseph smithsarah smith is returning from her adventures in nebraskasarah smith is #4765sarah smith is #4795sarah smith is the cosarah smith is entered as the "fathersarah smith is to hold said land and controls the same till said boyssarah smith is a junior music education major at northwestern state universitysarah smith is in her second year of doctoral research at royal hollowaysarah smith issarah smith is not listed as a nobletsarah smith is murderedsarah smith is actually the illegitimate daughter of john smith's brothersarah smith is helping out with personnel so if anyone would like to help her please come to the meetingsarah smith is #7611sarah smith is printed as #224sarah smith is now a "filledsarah smith is #7368sarah smith is #6251sarah smith is one of two partsarah smith is definitely a beatrice figuresarah smith is terrified of driving through londonsarah smith is a pregnant woman receiving benefits under the wic programsarah smith is an elegant writer whose readers tend to be quietly but passionately devoted to her bookssarah smith is to encourage students to think about ways they can protect their local natural environmentsarah smith is ready to block whatever comes her waysarah smith is also a writersarah smith is a senior design majorsarah smith is asarah smith is a qualified solicitorsarah smith is also checking with the sale committee to see if there are any volunteerssarah smith is currently ranked 27 th in the england cadet rankingssarah smith is a drugs worker for a young people's drugs service in hampshire called chypsarah smith is going to grow up and thank her parents for that particular combination of initialssarah smith is known as a school without wallssarah smith is a local rep for a national cosmetic companysarah smith is organising some new weekly lindy hop classes soon in north walessarah smith is an undergraduate student at the university of north carolina at chapel hillsarah smith is the author of a historical mystery trilogysarah smith is to present the findings at an open meeting by the fallsarah smith is teaching latin at antioch high sc hoolsarah smith is an excellent writersarah smith is now 18 years old and a senior in high schoolsarah smith is a young woman from california who survived an abortion after her twin brother was abortedsarah smith is editorial assistant at ladies' home journalsarah smith is a good leader and always gets things donesarah smith is well known in the world of arachnoiditis patientssarah smith is a charming 18sarah smith is looking forward to utilizing the new spacesarah smith is an assistant editor at the national restaurant associationsarah smith is verysarah smith is that person for the eye clinicsarah smith is the editor for insightsarah smith is #636sarah smith is to be found in many accountssarah smith is our accounts manager and has been with the company over 10 yearssarah smith is a graduate of the university of illinois at chicago's program for writerssarah smith is an abortion survivorsarah smith is the dirty dancer

That's right, folks. I am that person for the eye clinic. I am well known in the world of arachnoiditis patients. True, true, it's all true.