JUST FOR THE SAKE OF CLARITY

Last night's post was not meant to damage any feelings. Of course, I was poking fun at a lot of people (because all of the date scenarios are culled from my own life), but more than anything else, I was making fun of myself because I have a tendency to see any activity, no matter how actually casual and meaningless, as a potential date. I want everyone to know that the joke is most importantly on me, for being such a ridiculous, delusional girl. All of you nice dudes who have asked me to do anything (Cartoon Network or the Symphony) are just that: nice dudes. I didn't mean to hurt any feelings.

But, while we're talking about hurt feelings, I want to reiterate that this is my personal, flawed, partisan, and totally unfair portion of the internet. I've long ago learned not to air my dirty laundry here, but I didn't think of last night's entry as dirty laundry. I considered it more of a comment on the completely confused concept of dating that we young people have in the 21st century (and excuse me for sounding like Heloise). Single, and occasionally lonely, girls such as myself are particularly prone to sticky and stupid situations here.

So: this is not one of those "I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt" apologies, I'm just sorry, and I will be much more careful in the future not to injure any feelings here.

WHAT IS A DATE AND WHAT IS NOT: A LESSON IN REALITY

"Hanging out." NOT A DATE
"Hanging out and watching some Cartoon Network." NOT A DATE
"Going out to dinner." MIGHT BE A DATE
"Going to the symphony." TOTAL DATE
"Do you want to go to the symphony with me? Don't be alarmed, there are no hidden motives, I'm just asking you to go because I thought you liked this kind of music. Just as a friend." TOTAL, UTTER DATE
"I thought I might cook dinner tonight. Do you want to come over?" SNEAKY DATE
"Do you want to shop for school supplies with me?" STRANGELY INTIMATE ACTIVITY WHICH IMPLIES LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP, YET IS NEVERTHELESS NOT A DATE
"Do you want to go to the opening night for this play with me?" IS A DATE BECAUSE DRESSING UP IS IMPLIED
"Hey, I'm going to this party . . . " NOT A DATE
"Do you want to see Alien vs. Predator?" NOT A DATE UNLESS YOU, LIKE, HOLD MY HAND THE ENTIRE TIME AND SAY THAT MY EYES ARE BEAUTIFUL
"Do you want to get a drink?" NOT A DATE
"Hey, do you want to see Weird War?" NOT A DATE
"Give me a ride to the bus stop?" NOT A DATE
"Let's have a picnic in the park." DATE, INEVITABLY
"Getting coffee." PROBABLY NOT A DATE
"Sending a cute message on Friendster." NOT, NOT, NOT A DATE
"Going to the racetrack." BEST DATE EVER
"Going to Ritter's." TOO MUCH OF A HABIT TO BE CONSIDERED A DATE
"Anything that happens within two days of Valentine's Day" MIGHT BE A DATE, BUT IT'S HARD TO TELL.